My grandmother smoked a pipe. Yes, my grandmother, and yes, a pipe. When I was a very young girl, I was fascinated by that pipe. I loved that pipe! I would sit and watch as my grandmother lit matches, sometimes more than one, to get the pipe going. As a young girl, I would sit on her lap and blow out the matches and giggle afterward. Sometimes she would light several matches just so I could blow them all out. As she would smoke her pipe, I would inhale the smell. I loved the way the tobacco smelled. I loved the way her lips would smack on the pipe, making a funny sound to my young ears. That pipe brought me so much joy. When I think about my grandmother, I think about the pipe and me sitting on her lap blowing out matches. When she died my family went to her house one last time. I remember seeing the pipe sitting on the table beside her chair. You could still smell the tobacco from the pipe, even though she hadn’t smoked it for a long time. And the pipe had her teeth marks on it from years of smoking and smacking her lips. I took that pipe with me on that day and carry it with me wherever I go. If you were to look in my purse now, you would find my grandmother’s pipe. I take it out of my purse periodically to look at it. Smell it. It still gives me joy every time I look at it. Touch it. Every time I think of my grandmother.
The third week of Advent is joy. I’ve written a couple of blogs about joy already. One about finding joy in the little things and another about finding joy in my soul after my mother died. Since writing those blogs, I’ve had several conversations with people about joy and its relationship to happiness. I’ve decided to dig deeper into the relationship between joy and happiness and how joy connects us deeper to others and to God.
If I were to ask 100 people what they wanted out of life, my guess is that the majority of the people would say, “to be happy”. That is typically our greatest wish for our children as well. However, I would challenge us to want more. We should be motivated to seek something better than simple self-satisfaction. We should seek joy. Happiness is an emotion in which we experience feelings such as contentment, satisfaction, or pleasure. Whereas joy is stronger. At the heart of joy is an awareness that we possess good from God. It’s a feeling that doesn’t come from favorable circumstances in our lives, it comes from God. But how do we experience goodness?
Growing up, I not only had many conversations with my mother about service, but I saw her live a life of service as well. She volunteered for many organizations. She purchased clothing and food for those in need. Especially children. She had a special place in her heart for children. She hated seeing them in need or neglected. Her plan after retirement was to volunteer for the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) program. CASA uses trained community volunteers to speak for abused and neglected children’s best interests in court, so judges have all the facts to make the best decision for the long-term welfare of each child. My mother was excited to begin this next chapter in her life. And she wasn’t alone. My mother’s sisters also volunteered their time and money for deserving organizations and individuals. It was how they were raised. My pipe-smoking grandmother, who had very little herself, when raising her children, could have easily just focused on their happiness. But she knew happiness can be fleeting, depending on circumstances. True joy was deeper, and it comes from a higher power. A higher power who gave so much for us – the only way we could get that same joy is for us to give to others.
One of my favorite quotes is from Mahatma Gandhi who said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others”. This has been the mission statement for my life. I believe there is no better way to uplift yourself than to uplift others. When you’re down on life, feeling alone, or don’t know which path to take, doing something good for someone else immediately changes your frame of mind. Several years ago, I traveled to New York for work. My room wasn’t ready at the hotel when I arrived, so I walked to a diner down the street. As I sat alone at a table, I watched people come and go. At one table, there were two older gentlemen who looked to be old friends. They were animated and laughed a lot. A large group of servicemen entered and sat at most of the remaining tables. I saw the two older gentlemen call the waitress over and whisper something to her. I was curious as to what was said because a weird look came across the waitress’s face. As time went by, the servicemen began asking for their checks. I heard the waitress tell the men seated closest to me that the two older gentlemen at the table paid all of their tabs. I was in shock – there were at least 25 men in that restaurant. As each serviceman got up to leave, they stopped at that table with the two older gentlemen. Both gentlemen stood up and shook each serviceman’s hand and said, “Thank you for your service”. Some hugged, others talked a little longer and laughed with the two men. I was so moved. What a great way to start my trip! As I left the restaurant I stopped at the table where the two older gentlemen sat. I told them that it was a very nice thing they had done, and I was forever changed by witnessing it. They laughed (of course) and asked what I thought they had done. I simply said, “Brought joy to some men and to me too”. We proceeded to talk…and laugh a little more, and I left – changed. To this day, I periodically drive through fast food restaurants and will pay for the food tickets for several cars behind me. I’ve done this since that time in New York. I like that those in the vehicles behind me don’t know that I’m doing it and I love imagining their surprise when they find out their bill for their meal has been paid. It is something small and some would say inconsequential. But it’s one way I put myself out there, doing something good for someone else. And it never gets old. All these years later, it still feels good and brings me joy every time. And it is in those feelings that I know God. Whether it’s buying meals for strangers, volunteering at a local food bank, or writing a note to someone who is alone. We all have the ability to experience unshakable joy. The type of joy when we are spiritually connected to God and people. During this Advent season, put yourself out there. Do something good for someone else and feel what happens. This is joy.