When I was a senior in high school, a cousin of mine unexpectedly died. He was the same age as me and had his entire life in front of him. For a period of time, no one knew the cause of his death. He came home after a trip, said goodnight to his parents and brother, and never woke up. I can still remember the phone call as if it was yesterday. My mother was at work and I was home from school because it was a holiday. I had to call my mother and tell her over the phone. Like me, she was shocked. I had a hard time adjusting to the news of my cousin’s death. The lack of immediate knowledge of why he was suddenly gone, compounded with the fact that he was the same age as me, made me not only sad but fearful. I repeatedly asked my mother if what happened to him, could also happen to me. The unknown was so scary and unnerving for me that I began having issues sleeping. My thoughts were jumbled with memories, family members crying, many telephone calls of repeatedly telling and hearing the same stories, and my own fears for myself, my siblings, and my other cousins. One night I couldn’t sleep and went into my mother’s bedroom and just stood there staring at her, saying nothing. She knew. She told me to get in bed with her. I immediately climbed onto her bed and got under the covers. She spooned me and wrapped her arm around me and held me close and tight like she was never going to let me go. She never said a word, but I felt so safe…and loved. I now realize that she was as sad…and maybe a little scared, as I was. I slept peacefully that night.
The last week of Advent is about love. I think it’s very fitting that this blog will post on Christmas Day and what better example of love do we have than the birth of Jesus. When I remember the night that my mother held me, I believe that is a perfect analogy of how I feel about God’s love for me. Safe and oh, so loved. And I believe He shows us that love in a variety of ways every day.
I could spend hours and hours writing examples of God’s love for me. It’s in the little things in life: the sun shining on your face, a stranger saying, “Merry Christmas”, or the feel of sand between your toes. God’s love has also been with me during the difficult times of my life: watching as my car was being repossessed after not finding a job for two years or watching my mother’s casket being lowered into the ground. But my most treasured examples of God’s love are when He uses other people to show me His love. When I can feel His touch through the touch of another person. Or when I can hear His voice through someone singing a song or saying a prayer. It’s a feeling that touches my soul in a way that is almost indescribable. Besides the time in my mother’s bed, another example comes to mind immediately.
The night my mother died I was numb. We had come back from the hospital and I was pretty zoned out laying on my mother’s couch. One of my aunt’s got up to leave, and as she passed me, she laid her hand on the top of my head, ever so lightly. She said nothing but just touched my head. I immediately felt comforted. It’s difficult to describe the feeling, but there was an overwhelming sense of peace that entered my body. I instinctively knew everything was going to be okay. It may have been my aunt’s hand on my head, but I know deep in my core that it was the hand of God communicating with me.
I have become a huge fan of Lauren Daigle. Her song “You Say” beautifully describes God’s love for us.
“You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe
Oh, I believe
What You say of me
I believe…”
Isn’t that the type of love we all crave? I believe love is one of the most intense emotions that we experience as humans, and that it is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do. One of the most popular verses in the Bible is John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”. That is the epitome of God’s love expressed in action and in what He did for us.
But the deepest beauty of love is how it changes lives. When we are loved – when we truly know that we are loved, inwardly, it changes how we feel about ourselves, and outwardly, it changes how we treat others. And in order for us to be changed, we have to believe. Believe that we are loved in the darkest days of our lives. Believe that we are loved when we’ve made poor decisions or mistakes. Believe we are loved when we feel alone. And although we may receive love from people in our lives, true, unconditional love can only come from the One who gave His only begotten Son for us. The One who knew us before we were even born. I have loved God my entire life. But it wasn’t until later in life that I truly grasped the magnitude of His love for me. It sounds weird to admit, but it wasn’t until I experienced my darkest days, my greatest fears, my greatest grief, and feeling alone did I realize that I was loved on a level that I can’t fully describe. It’s that indescribable love that once you experience it, your life is forever changed. And it changes how I love others in my life. I am now quicker to forgive, quicker to speak words of comfort and kindness, and quicker to help in times of need. On this Christmas Day, when we are exchanging gifts with those we love, let us remember that everything in life is God’s gift to us because He loves us.