There was a time, early in my career, when I didn’t take vacations. At the time, I believed my goal was to save the world – at the very least, save those that were most needy and there wasn’t time for breaks or vacations. In my mind, there was always work to be done, grants to write, and lives to save. My mother hated that I never took time off from work, always urging me to go on a vacation with her. One year, she gave me no choice. She booked a vacation for the whole family to go to Hawaii. She paid for my airfare – and everything else – and ordered me to take off from work and attend the trip with my family. You would think that as I was now an adult, living on my own and making my own money, I could no longer be “ordered” to do something by my mother. But just like when I was a child, I knew her tone and knew me saying no was not an option. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. Since that time, I take one vacation – sometimes more – every year.
Over the years, I have attempted to make new year’s resolutions. And most years, I didn’t make it past March. Then one year I had the brilliant thought that I wasn’t going to make resolutions about what I wanted to change about myself, but instead make resolutions about doing things for others. I lasted a little longer, but unfortunately, that got old too. It was then I decided I would no longer make resolutions. For something that was supposed to make me feel better about myself, I always felt worse, feeding my ego with negative thoughts about how horrible and undisciplined I was that I couldn’t keep a single goal for more than three months.
But I have always loved the start of a new year. For me, it’s a mental thing. I can look back on the previous year and reflect on all my mistakes or situations where I wasn’t at my best. I can beat myself up about it or “throw it away”, knowing a new year is about to begin and I will get another chance to do and be better. I also reflect on all the wonderful things that happened and pat myself on the back and thank God for all the ways I have been blessed. I think about how I can ensure those blessings continue in the new year. After all, a new year and anything is possible. Just like a vacation is a time to recharge, I believe the new year is a time to re-energize and bring balance to our lives as we focus on our personal growth.
For ten years, Tsh Oxenreider has republished her list of 20 reflection questions for the end of the year. She has tweaked the questions over the years but has now settled on a solid list of questions to help us review, contemplate and meditate on what has happened in the past 12 months. I love her questions. They range from asking about unexpected joy to the single biggest time waster in your life in the past year. And I know what you’re thinking – I used to think it too. You are wondering how you are to remember everything that has happened over the past year. You can’t even remember what you ate for lunch yesterday. I get it. But trust me when I tell you how surprised you will be by how much you actually remember. I am a person who journals regularly and still uses a Franklin Planner, and when I first began reflecting on Oxenreider’s questions, I always had to refer back to my journal and Franklin Planner. Now, I can answer the questions from memory.
And if there was ever a time to reflect on a year, I think 2020 was it. This past year was unlike any we have ever experienced. And I would hazard a guess that there are things you will take away from this year and want to continue in years ahead. As I’m sure there are things you want to forget and pray you never have to live through again. But regardless of the scenario, I don’t think there has ever been a year I learned more about myself or those around me. And that is what life is about – it’s about learning, growing, and becoming the person we are meant to be.
When I go on vacation, I “turn off” the world. I don’t watch the news, try not to read or respond to work emails, and only accept emergency phone calls. It’s my time to focus on myself and my family. I read books, watch senseless television (one year we watched reruns of The Twilight Zone for hours), and eat and drink without thinking about the calories. I laugh seemingly nonstop, and I sleep. My mother used to say that she worked so she could vacation. She understood the value of recharging so you can begin again. And that’s what the new year is for us – a chance to begin again. The new year is our time to look forward and let go of the pressures of the past. Let go of the worries and focus on the possibilities of the future. And although we know there will be distractions in the upcoming year – hardships, sadness, and missed opportunities, if we’ve taken the time to reflect on the past year, we will be better equipped to handle whatever comes our way.
While some still enjoy setting goals or sharing new year resolutions, I would stress the need to also focus on what the new year means to you and what you want to see more of in the upcoming year. By reflecting on what was good in the past, I know what I want to see more of in my future. If I want to see more kindness in my future, I have to first be more kind to those around me. If I want a more just system for all people – especially people of color, then I have to do my part in creating a more just system in my sphere of influence. Goals and resolutions can be lofty and overwhelming, but by focusing on what we want to see more of in our future, we enter the new year with a mindset of positive possibilities. Yes, I love the beginning of a new year. As challenging as last year was, I’m even more excited for the start of this year. But there were also many wonderful things that happened during that challenging year. Connections I want to maintain, memories so sweet and loving, and joys I never thought I’d experience. I want more of that in the new year! So, as I enter 2021, I will focus on the good, remember the lessons learned in the last year, fill my mind with positive thoughts, appreciate the love surrounding me, and be thankful for the journey of another year.