When I was a very young girl, I talked a lot – all the time. Wherever my mother was, I was right there with her talking about something or asking questions. I talked and asked questions about my day, something on television, or just random things I may have seen or heard that day. My favorite time to talk to my mother was while she was cooking dinner. I had her undivided attention. I remember one day I was sitting at the kitchen table and was talking nonstop. My mother suddenly stopped cooking and turned and looked at me. She told me that I probably needed to stop talking or else my battery would run out. My young mind couldn’t grasp what she was talking about – I knew nothing about batteries inside people. She told me that if I continued talking my batteries would run out and I’d never be able to talk again. I was horrified. I don’t remember a lot about my very young years, but this conversation sticks out in my mind like it was yesterday. I couldn’t fathom never talking again so I talked very little for the next couple of days – afraid if I continued to talk, my battery would stop working and I’d never be able to talk again. Then one day I was back at the kitchen table and started talking nonstop again to my mother. I remember clearly, my mother reminding me about my battery. And just as clearly, I remember proudly telling my mother that I had the type of battery that never ran out. I was a very smart child.
Aside from that very short time in my life, I have never been at a loss for words. But after this first full week of January, I found myself rendered somewhat speechless. As I sat and watched a mob storm the Capitol building in Washington, D.C., it seemed more and more unreal. Added to that, I had just returned to work after being off for two weeks and my mind wasn’t functioning properly. I was already stressed over work issues and watching an attempted coup with my own eyes was almost too much for my brain to absorb. And through it all, I kept hearing journalists, politicians, and everyday folk decry “This is not who we are”. But I now believe it’s time we all take a deep breath and admit, this is exactly who we are.
Have you ever been so excited to finally meet someone you have admired for years? And when you finally meet that person you find out they aren’t as nice as you thought they would be? Or have you ever worked with someone who you have respected for some time, but then witnessed a different side of them that makes you question their authenticity? It happened to me early in my career, but I thought since I was older, I was also smarter and could sniff out someone so fake. I was wrong. It recently happened again to me and it hurts just as badly as it did early on in my career. You work with someone who you believe is committed to the same cause and in a blink of an eye, you see the bully they really are. You tell yourself over and over that this is not who they are, but soon, you must admit, this is exactly who they are.
As I reflect on the events since the Presidential election, I continue to be amazed at what people will do to maintain power and how many people are willing to befriend, follow, believe, and ultimately sell their souls for the opportunity to get a piece of that power. Let’s be perfectly clear about the facts and what has happened. The President of the United States, his lawyers, and his family since November spoke false claims of election fraud. Then, some of our U.S. Representatives and Senators attempted to decertify votes in a free and fair election. They even went so far as to vote to throw out the votes of millions of Black Americans. And when that didn’t work, a mob of extremists descended on the Capitol in Washington, D.C., incited by the President of the United States, and proceeded to storm the Capitol, smashing windows, breaking doors, and vandalizing offices with every intent to kidnap and possibly kill some of our elected officials.
The insurrection didn’t consist of just white supremacists and QAnon people. The people participating in, espousing, or cheering violence cut across the different factions of the Republican Party and they were working in unison. They are elected officials, ex-military people, and businessmen and women from Fortune 500 companies. They were our neighbors and work colleagues. Believing this is not who we are is the type of delusion that led Trump to the White House. I have maintained that Trump did not create the hate we now openly see in many far-right extremists. However, he has exposed it and brought it out in daylight, when it had been buried in darkness. And now that the racists and anti-Semites are out in the forefront and regaling in their power, they are not going away.
But what is more disturbing is the number of people who remain silent, stand by and watch it happening, or double down on the rhetoric and lies. The enablers. Throughout my years of working with children, it has always been imperative to teach them that those who remain silent watching the bully, do as much harm as the bully. Children are implored to speak out against the bully in order to diminish his/her power. However, our children now have a front-row seat witnessing adults behaving in direct contrast to what we try to teach. There always seem to be those who will support the bully. In my opinion, they do it in order to gain something – whether it’s a higher position, perceived power and prestige, or more money.
I believe that it’s time to take off our rose-colored glasses and admit there is a faction of people around the country who want and may have more plans, to challenge our democracy. And as much as we may have wanted to label the doom and gloom predictions over the last four years as exaggerations, we simply have to recognize the glaring reality that was right in front of our eyes on January 6. Watching rioters walk up the steps wearing racist t-shirts, carrying Confederate flags, and beating policemen on the same steps I walked as a young, impressionable adult on my first trip to DC was chilling. Watching the rioters demolish the hallways and offices I walked through while visiting my state’s Representatives and Senators to discuss issues in my community was disheartening. And seeing pictures and hearing stories of some of those rioters and realizing some walking on those steps or in those hallways may have been people I admired…well, that just takes your breath away.
I can’t tell you how many stories I read of people who knew or saw an old friend, coworker, family member, or an admired “celebrity” attending the insurrection. Someone who you’ve known for years as a decent, kind person. Now you see them espousing hate speech and you think, “Is this who they really are?” And now that I know, what do I do? Be sad. It’s okay to sit in the sadness for a while. After all, you had a relationship with this person who may now be someone you no longer recognize. Realizing they are not who they pretended to be is sad.
Acknowledge it. Over 74 million people voted for Trump. All are not racist. All don’t agree with his fraud claim about the election and all did not agree with the insurrection. But many did – many still do. Even after our congressmen/women had to hide under tables and chairs and be taken to an undisclosed place for fear of their lives, there were still some who voted to overturn the election. And there are still those plotting to create more violence. Acknowledge that there are still those who do not want a fair democracy where all have equal rights. And they will do whatever it takes to get their way. As Maya Angelou famously said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.
Lastly, when we see or hear something that is blatantly false, we have to call it out. We have to speak up and call a lie a lie. We have to stand up to the bully and all of his/her enablers and hold them accountable. If he/she suffers no consequences, the bully will only feel empowered and act bolder. It’s our responsibility to continue to do better, be better and create the type of democracy we want to see in our country.