For as long as I can remember the weekend following Thanksgiving, my family would put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house with all things Christmas including stockings on the wall. Thanksgiving was the start of my favorite time of the year. The Friday and Saturday following Thanksgiving, we would decorate the house during the day and decorate the Christmas tree in the evening. Once it got dark outside, we would turn on the Christmas tree lights and sit and look at the tree in the dark. We did this every year, even once all of us kids became adults. There were so many other traditions leading up to Christmas – baking cookies and Rice Krispy treats, going to Christmas Eve service at church and coming back home to open one stocking gift, and eating waffles on Christmas morning after opening up gifts. Once I moved out of the house, I loved going back to my mother’s house and walking through the front door to the heavenly aromas of baked goods wafting from the kitchen. I always associated that smell with home.
I love family traditions. I love remembering my own, but even more, I love hearing about others’ traditions. Those that were established long ago and passed down for generations are my favorite. The thought of a family that was alive years before I was ever a blip on the radar, participating in the same tradition year after year is amazing to me. I have a friend whose family travels to the east coast each summer and has stayed in the same beach house for generations. As new family members have been added over the years, the group just becomes larger but there is always space for everyone. My friend tells the story that every year, on the same night, the family gathers on the beach and retells funny stories about things that happened in previous years at the beach house and it never fails that they all laugh as if it was the first time hearing the story. In all her years, my friend has never missed a summer at the beach house with her family. Even when a family member has died in the year, the family still goes to the beach house and they use that time to reminisce and reflect on the love for that family member. When I hear my friend talk about her time at the beach house, I can picture them all in my mind, sitting on the beach, talking and laughing while the children run around in the sand. And I picture those children 30 years from now, sitting on that same beach, telling those same stories.
As we enter into the holiday season, there is a tendency to focus so much on the commercialization of the season, that we forget to be still and reflect on the love and joy around us. Maybe this year will be different. I believe one good thing that has come from this pandemic is that it has allowed us all to slow down. We are not rushing from one meeting to another; one soccer game to play practice, or one business trip to the next. We are forced to stay closed in (for the most part) with our families and we are reconnecting. We are remembering what it’s like to all sit at the table and eat dinner together. We are watching television together or playing board games together. And now, with the holiday season upon us, we will re-establish long-lost traditions or begin new ones because we are not being pulled in different directions and have the time.
My parents divorced when I was young. Although my mother talked to us about the divorce before it happened, it was still somewhat scary for a little girl like me. Although my mother struggled financially immediately following the divorce, she made an effort to continue our traditions. We still decorated the house the weekend after Thanksgiving and baked cookies. We still opened one stocking gift on Christmas Eve. My mother knew the value of traditions and although life may have been a little difficult at the time, she knew those traditions would give us a sense of stability and familiarity. Because that is what traditions do – they give us a sense of comfort and belonging. Even though things may have been different in my household, as long as I could count on doing the same thing year after year, I knew that everything would be okay.
When my mother passed, initially, it was extremely difficult for me to continue to participate in any of the family traditions that were established over the years. From watching Chiefs football games to dining out on Easter to going to the movies on Christmas night. I couldn’t do it. It was just too painful with all of the memories. However, over time I realized it was those same memories and participating in those same traditions that actually made me feel closer to my mother. Traditions are a critical piece of our own history. They remind us that we are connected to a larger body of people that shapes who we are today. By continuing the tradition of giving to those in need during the Christmas season, I not only honor my mother, but continue to reinforce the values she instilled in me at a very young age. Now, more than ever, I believe we are all craving the warmth and promise that comes with traditions. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been able to hug and kiss our family and friends and we are craving the connection. Whether it’s kicking everyone out of the kitchen every year on Thanksgiving while you make the stuffing with the secret recipe or going to brunch with your best friends every Christmas Eve, I challenge us all to remember the old and create new traditions this holiday season and throughout the new year. It’s those traditions that will serve as an avenue for creating lasting memories for our families and friends for generations to come.