My maternal grandmother lived in a small town in Missouri with a population of about 234 people her entire life. Her home was small, and she raised chickens and even pigs at one time. She was single most of her life, raised eight children, and was very independent. My memories are vivid of her smoking a pipe, cooking the best meals and apple cobbler I’ve ever had, and being fearless. There’s a story my cousin shares every time we reminisce about my grandmother. Late one night, after everyone was in bed asleep, my grandmother heard a commotion outside, and the chickens seemed to be rowdy. My grandmother got out of bed, slipped on some shoes, and proceeded to go outside with only her cane and her ever-present sidekick, Candy, her little terrier dog. My cousin, who was spending the weekend with my grandmother, immediately got out of bed to look out the open window. She couldn’t see much since it was pitch dark outside, but there was a slight glimmer of light outside that was illuminated by the bedroom light. My cousin said all she remembers is my grandmother swinging that cane repeatedly as if she was hitting something, all the while mumbling “See if you go after my chickens again!” My cousin says when my grandmother came back to the bedroom she was still mumbling, “Snakes think they can mess with my chickens, they got another thing coming!”
March 1 was the first day of Women’s History Month and since I’ve been surrounded by strong, beautiful women my entire life, I thought it apropos to give them the accolades they deserve during this month set aside for women.
The evolution of a woman has come a long way since my grandmother was young. Gone is the time when women traditionally stayed home to ensure a nice, serene home for their husbands and children. Now, 71% of American women with children under the age of 18 – 77% of women with children ages 6 to 17, 64% of women with children under the age of 6, and 56% of women with infants (under the age of 1) – are in the labor force (National Women’s Law Center). And yet, although more women are working outside the home when a new child is welcomed into the family, when a child stays home sick from school, or when an aging parent suffers from a fall or illness, someone must stay home to provide care – and it’s usually a mother, a wife, or an adult daughter (Center for American Progress).
For a period of time, my mother was married to an alcoholic, worked a full-time job, cared for her four little children, and attended nursing school full-time. When I think back now as an adult, I wonder how she did it. I struggle to maintain sanity with my full-time job and no husband or children. But my mother came from a long line of strong, independent women. Women who didn’t complain about their current situation, but steadfastly moved forward, caring for those in need and doing what she had to do for her family. And what is so amazing, I have been blessed to see it not only in my grandmother, mother, and aunts, but over and over again with female colleagues, friends, supervisors, and even young women I’ve interviewed or hired for jobs. The one thing they all have in common – none of them see themselves as special or super-human.
I once interviewed a young lady who was 23 years old, was a single parent to a two-year-old, and was also a cancer survivor. When I asked her to tell me about her strengths, she could not think of one. I have an aunt who tragically lost her oldest son when he was 15 years old and her youngest son became a paraplegic when he was in high school due to a freak accident playing football. Yet she has maintained her faith throughout the years, gives generously, and doesn’t have a bitter bone in her body. What is it about women that makes them so unflappable in times of stress and discomfort?
Throughout history, the central role of women has been to ensure the stability of their families and those around them. Women have consistently taken on the roles of primary caretaker, educator, breadwinner, and volunteer. Women tend to have this innate strength, I believe, because they have had to be and do so many things for so many people. There is an ongoing debate as to whether women can have it all. Can they have a family and a career and do both well? Although I hear those that say, no, women can’t have it all – something or someone always suffers, on a daily basis I see women doing it all. And it’s not to say that it is easy, because we know that it definitely is not. We may struggle, we may cry, we may even limp along for a period of time. But we persevere.
History helps us learn who we are – that includes history from the history books, but also our own family’s history. It’s important for our children to know the history of their female ancestors. We need to know and hear their voice in all facets of their lives in order to understand the critical link between the past and present. Women bring a voice, perspective, approach, and outlook that is of value. Recognizing the challenges they faced, and their dignity and accomplishments lead to greater respect and knowledge for our own voice.
I draw strength and inspiration from those women who came before me and those who currently work beside me and are among me. They are a part of my story. They are my best friends who I’ve known for almost 40 years. They are my aunts, sisters, and cousins who share my DNA. They are the ladies in my book club and church who continually teach me about faith, love, and acceptance through action. They are my colleagues and supervisors who taught me teamwork and to trust my instinct. They are my grandmother who showed me what strength was by killing snakes with just a cane. They are the epitome of Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman”, which ends by saying,
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.That’s me.