There’s a saying in my family, “The Jackson’s just aren’t emotional people”. The Jacksons’ are my mother’s side of the family. My mother had seven siblings and none of them ever talked about feelings or said, “I love you”. As an adult, I began telling my mother I loved her when I left her house or at odd, random moments, and she would always say it back to me. But as a child, I don’t remember ever being told by my mother that she loved me. She may have said it, I just don’t remember. It didn’t bother me. There was never any doubt in my mind that she loved me. In fact, I knew she loved me deeply. I knew my siblings and I meant more to her than anything else in the world. I knew she loved me through her actions, but even more, it was through our conversations. We talked all the time – about everything. I could ask or talk to her about anything, as a child and adult, and always received thoughtful answers, debates, or pieces of advice. When she died, that’s what I missed the most, the conversations. Those conversations were love. Words matter.
I love words. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been a secret writer in my heart, but I love the structure of words. I love the flow that can happen when arranging them just right – it feels like a soft wave in the ocean on a starlit night. It’s actually pretty amazing when you think about it – the simple act of attaching word after word can create songs that make you cry, prayers that fill your soul with the Holy Spirit, and poems that sound like vows. And those who are really talented with words can write a book so enthralling, you forget you’re sitting on your couch and imagine yourself far away in a foreign land. Words matter.
Some people say words don’t matter, it’s the action. You know, the whole “love is a verb”. And I agree. There are times when words seem meaningless if not followed up with action. However, words are actions to me too. When someone speaks negative, hurtful words to us, it can feel like an actual assault. How many times have we heard something and felt like we were sucker-punched or used the phrase that the words were like a “slap in the face”? And we know this, right? We know what words we can say that will hurt those we love the most. Because we’ve had those deep conversations; we know their vulnerabilities and they know ours. And sometimes in anger one of us, or both, misuse words and it’s like an onslaught of sharp pellets, and we try to dodge to keep them from hitting us. Words matter.
Because I love words so much, I have a visceral reaction when one misuses words. These last four years have felt like 20 years. As a country, we have been through so much. So much so that I think we are beginning to become numb to even the most extreme of words. Especially in politics. I think we’ve all become so jaded to politicians making promises they don’t keep, running negative campaigns on their opponents, and sometimes telling bold lies, that we’ve just ignored the words or written it off as “fake news”.
But maybe, just maybe, the one good thing that has come from this pandemic is that it has stilled us enough to hear the words. We heard the words of George Floyd saying, “I can’t breathe” and then calling out for his mother and we stopped. We heard the words from the President of the United States that told a white supremacist group to “stand back and stand by”. And we got angry. We heard the words of Senator Kamala Harris, who was repeatedly interrupted as she was speaking in the Vice Presidential debate say, “I’m speaking”. And if you are a woman, you knew exactly what she was feeling. Words matter.
And they have consequences…or at least they should. When we heard George Floyd cry out, we rose as a country and protested. We told the world that the words Black Lives Matter means something to us and we could no longer sit and do nothing. But words sometimes have negative consequences too. A group of men who were attached to a domestic terrorist group were recently arrested for plotting to kidnap and possibly murder the Governor of Michigan. Some say this group felt energized by the President’s words about white supremacy that they decided to go through with this operation that had been planned for months. I don’t know if it’s true, but I do know that words can trigger emotions and reactions. I recently wrote a blog about trauma, detailing my own reaction when I heard a story. Words have power. How you frame and talk about something, leads others to think about it in a specific way. Words matter.
We have a responsibility to use words with an awareness of the impact they may have. We have to be careful with our words, as they can be dangerous weapons. In these last four years, we have seen words used to divide, hurt, criticize, ridicule, and demean. I know there have been other times in our history when words were used in this manner. And I know there were people who stood up and denounced the rhetoric. That is what we must continue to do now. We must continue to counter hate speech with love. Counter lies with the truth. Counter fearmongering with reassurance. Counter negative with positive.
As we enter these last three weeks until the election, we will hear many stories and opinions that will make us feel a certain way. Because that’s what words do – they make us feel. And those feelings will cause a reaction. Whatever side you’re on, let’s commit to ignoring the automatic reflex of participating in the back-and-forth dialogue of proving the other side wrong. Let’s instead use our words to grant grace to those with differing opinions. And let’s commit that the only action we take is to vote. I have a friend who will occasionally text me the words “I love you”. Nothing else. Just those three words. Mostly at random times. It’s so nice to read those brief words. Regardless of my frame of mind, the words settle me. A calmness enters my body and I feel my muscles relax. Careful, thoughtful, and deliberate communication is not only essential, it’s good for the soul. Words matter.