My first “love” was when I was in Kindergarten. There was a boy who had the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen and the kindest smile. He also played kickball really well. We were instant friends – sitting next to each other in class, whispering and telling each other secrets. At the time, I didn’t know what love was – I just knew he was really cute, and I liked talking to him more than anyone else. My crush lasted the entire year, and if I’m honest, probably even a few more years after. As the years progressed, we remained friends, but he eventually began liking one of my friends better than me. Of course, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think that was the first time I began to subconsciously think poorly of myself.
Have you ever thought about writing a letter to your younger self? What would you want to say? What advice would you want to impart? What is it you know now that you wish you would have known back then? For me, I would want to write a love letter to myself. I would want my younger self to know that regardless of how many boys and men would break my heart, there would be others who would bring me joy. I would tell myself to learn to love the person I was and know that I was more than enough. Oh, there are other things I would tell myself, like not to worry so much, don’t care so much about what others think of me, and not letting fear hold me back. But when I think back to my younger self, I think if I could have loved myself more, it would have changed how I handled other events in my life.
There is a sense of clarity that comes with writing a love letter to your younger self – if only you are truly honest with yourself. You are able to confront your emotions in a raw and honest way. When I was young, it was so easy to believe my own lies about myself. The lies that said I wasn’t as smart, as pretty, as good as my other female counterparts. The lies that said because I was loud and sometimes moody or because I made mistakes that I was not worthy of love. We often speak to ourselves in our own minds in ways that we would never speak to others and self-criticism can take a toll on both our minds and bodies. But writing a love letter to our past self allows us to access the more compassionate side of our brain and analyze the situations in a new light.
Self-love is the complete acceptance of who and what we are. It is my belief that the meanness, hate, and selfishness we sometimes see in others, are directly correlated to their lack of self-love. When we are young, it’s so easy to place value in what others think of us. We continually compare ourselves to others. It’s a time when being like someone else and being liked by someone else is the most important thing. Being different and unique is actually frowned upon. It’s not until we are much older and wiser that we realize the value of uniqueness and our own worthiness. Unfortunately, it typically doesn’t happen until after we have spent years doubting ourselves.
I have come to realize that loving yourself is the most important thing you can and should do for yourself. And the earlier it happens, the better. But how do we love ourselves? Especially when there are so many distractions and people telling us in a variety of ways that we are not worthy? I believe it starts by forgiving ourselves. Over the years, I have learned that forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. Although it may be difficult to accept an outcome due to our mistakes, it is okay to make mistakes. Learning from our mistakes allows us to move forward and be and do better.
The other key component of self-love is acknowledging our self-worth. Knowing that we are good enough and we don’t need others to tell us that is how we get to self-love. Lao Tsu says:
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her”. It is so difficult to understand the meaning of self-worth when we are young, but it is one of the greatest lessons we can teach our children. Telling them daily that they are worthy as a person and are loved just the way they are is everything. My pastor ends service each week by telling the congregation that we are loved just the way we are. It never gets old. And it gives me a deep, warm feeling in my soul every time I hear him say it. As simple as it may seem, it is one of my favorite times in worship. It is a reminder that me, imperfect me, is worthy of love. And others will be impacted by our energy. Loving ourselves creates an overflowing effect of love and makes us compassionate and allows us to give love to others as well.
If I could speak to my young self, I would write her a letter and in part, say this:
Dear Younger Me,
You are a beautiful, young woman in the beginning stages of your journey. There will be some who are threatened by your light. Do not minimize or hide who you are from anyone. If they don’t like you just the way you are, move on. Others will.
Remember to talk to yourself like you would an old friend. There will be others who will speak lies and untruths to you, about you. Remember to be kind and gentle with the words you tell yourself. Those words will become what you believe, so choose carefully. And above all, know that you are worthy of every good thing in life and you are deeply loved, just as you are.
Love, Me